


Until One Day

by stvrked



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 13:44:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18095450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stvrked/pseuds/stvrked
Summary: Listen to My Blood by Ellie Goulding as you read this for better (WORSE) experience.





	Until One Day

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to My Blood by Ellie Goulding as you read this for better (WORSE) experience.

Tony dreamed. He dreamed of Steve. Before Siberia, they were the most beautiful dreams. He'd dream of Steve chopping the woods as he stood there with their son on the porch. He'd dream of them living the domestic life.

But not now. Every single time Tony closed his eyes even just for five seconds, he would see the spiteful look on Steve's face. Steve's clear, azure eyes no longer expressed love. Whenever he got to sleep for a little long, Steve would kill him. He wouldn't stop at the suit reactor. He wouldn't stop.

Tony had been sleeping at the compound. He used to sleep on his much better and more comfortable bed back at the mansion, but the mansion was quiet. Too quiet. Steve used to hum as he sketched sleeping Tony by the balcony. Sounds of the spatula meeting the frying pan as Steve cooked Tony his favorite breakfast. But it was quiet. He stayed at the mansion for awhile after Siberia, to heal all the wounds that Rhodey hadn't see before. He never spoke a word about it. The only reason Tony was rescued was because of T'Challa. Tony feels like he's forever in debt — not because T'Challa kind of saved his life, no. But because T'Challa decided to help Steve to lay low for a bit.

Tony apologized to Natasha, not directly but he did. He apologized to Sam and Wanda — which really is unnecessary. He didn't apologize to Steve, though. Maybe it was his ego or maybe he just wanted to say it face to face or maybe he didn't want to say anything at all. He knew Vision would have secret rendezvous with Wanda, so he would tell Vision to tell her what he wanted to say.

Tony never asked, but whenever Vision got back to the compound, Vision would say, “he's alright.” Sometimes with a little addition, like, “he got a new scar.” Or, ”he's growing his beard, it looks hideous.” Tony would close his eyes as he took hot shower and imagined Steve's beard against his skin, or Steve's lips against his own. He felt disgusted 'cause he would touch himself at the thought of Steve.

Steve had given him a phone, but all Tony did was running his thumbs over it. He fought his temptation to call Steve just to hear his voice through the voice mail, but Tony didn't think Steve understood how to make one.

Tony thought of Steve. Everyday. For months. More than a year. He'd cry every fourth of July. He'd cry in his laboratorium, he'd cry when he took Peter to the museum, he'd cry when he saw paintings. He'd cry. _Until_ _one_ _day_ , he stopped. _Until_ _one_ _day_ , he saw Steve for the first time.

It wasn't during a mission, no. Tony was at Juliet's House in Verona, Italy. It was closed for public, but Tony is a Stark and being a Stark has it perks sometimes. He was standing on the balcony when the sound of footsteps approached him.

Tony turned his head and _there_ _he_ _was_. Steve strode toward Tony with his stupid smile on his beautiful face. Tony froze, everything went through his mind at once. Tony thought he was going to cry, but he didn't. _He_ _couldn't_. Not anymore. It was enough for him.

Tony didn't say a word and walked past Steve, he didn't dare to look into Steve's eyes. Not after the nightmares he got. Steve grabbed Tony's arm and muttered, _almost_ _whimpering_ , “Tony, please.”

Tony ran out of the tiniest bit of patience he had left and snapped at Steve, “ _please_ , what, Steve?! _Please_ , give you another chance at hurting me?! _Please_ , give you another chance at leaving me?!” Steve opened his mouth to answer Tony, but he was cut off, “no, Steve! This is my turn to speak.”

Tony walked up to Steve, his eyes were filled with pain and rage and sadness. “You left me. You didn't look back, Steve… You left me. You mailed me a _fucking_ phone but you never even called. You never did. I hoped until I stopped hoping. I hoped that you'd call me because I'd probably answer. Because I _know_ I will answer. That stupid phone--” He stopped and fetched the phone out of his jacket pocket. “ _This_ stupid phone, I have this with me everyday. I take it with me to the damn shower. I take it wherever I go. But you never called… Why didn't you call, Steve?” The question came out as a breathless mumbling.

Steve took a deep breath before he talked, “I wanted to. I wanted to just go back to the compound and risk getting caught. But I don't know if it'll hurt you more or ease your pain. I caused you too much pain, Tony. I can't bear the thought of hurting you even more. I--”

“Why are you here, then? How did you even get inside?!”

“I'm a criminal now, Tony, I know how to pick locks,” he tried to joke, “but I didn't come here to see you. I didn't even know you were here. We got something to do here in Verona, and it's done, so I decided to come. Just to breathe. Not sure I could, but when I saw you standing there, _I_ _breathe_.”

“Good to know you're breathing, 'cause now I suffocate even more,” Tony muttered.

“Tony...”

“Be safe, Steve.”

And just like that, Tony left Steve all alone.

There are moments where Tony wished it would go in a different way. Moments where Tony wished he would return the smile Steve gave him. Where Tony wished he had jumped into Steve's arms like he used to when Steve went on his solo missions for weeks. Where Tony wished he had crashed his lips against Steve's now-chapped lips. He wondered what would happen then.

Will they leave all these heroic missions behind? He wasn't sure if either of them had the ability to sit back and watch the world crumble. But he wondered what would happen if they did leave the world to be saved by someone else. After all, the Avengers was never just Steve and Tony, although everyone admitted that they were always the parents of the team — which means, the Avengers would be chaotic without them.

Tony wished and wondered, _until_ _one_ _day_ , he stopped.

Things wouldn't be the same for them. Tony might still get nightmares even if Steve would be wrapping his arms around Tony's waist as they're sleeping. Tony wondered if Steve got nightmares too, he wondered if it's the same nightmares he kept getting.

If Steve had asked Tony to run away with him, he would say yes. If Steve had asked Tony to leave everything behind, he would say yes. If Steve had asked Tony to marry him, he would say yes. But Steve hadn't and he wouldn't, at least Tony thought so. There were moments where Steve would put what he needs infront of others, but Tony never thought that Steve would do such things for Tony.

Tony _never_ _thought_ and he _never_ _knew_ that Steve would raise hell on earth for Tony. Steve would give Tony the moon if he had asked, despite the fact that it would cause tsunamis and destructions everywhere. Steve would do anything for Tony. But does that make Steve selfish if he put Tony's needs above everyone else's?

They argued, they fought.

They worked together, they lost together.

They were friends, then they were lovers, then everything fell apart.

They loved, they lost.

They were each other's salvation, but they were each other's destruction.

They loved. Until one day, they stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments would be appreciated!
> 
> *English is not my native language, sorry for grammar mistakes.


End file.
